So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
