i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
