these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
