why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
