Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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