Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
