i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
