when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
