Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
