did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
