Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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