A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
