i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I believe in your delicious
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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