let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
