Welp...herpes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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