You smell like stripper and shame
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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