I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.