wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...