i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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