Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids