Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
