nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
