life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
