i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
