you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
two words: eviction party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
