end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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