A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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