He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
