Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
