She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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