Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
