You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
