idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
