All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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