I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
