please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
