I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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