So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
