You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
