i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
