Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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