so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
