she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
