I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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