He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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