he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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