You made me cry and you don't even care
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
