C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
