im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
