My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
