I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
