omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"