My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.