Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize