rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
