walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
nutella sex= disaster
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!