I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.