I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
