Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
