I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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