I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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