so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
