halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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