I looked at my own cervix.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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