the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
