He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize