i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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