the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
