is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
