One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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