I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
