11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
In America we eat man semen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
