no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sarcasm needs its own font
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
